Shrinks required - immediate assistance needed for those who give away awards!

Saif Ali Khan wins the Padma Shri!!!

Why am I not being honored with one? My achievements till date have been less than mediocre as well.

2 reasons why I initially thought he was chosen as a winner. Post analysis, realized that the credit for these accomplishments also go to others!
(a) For motivating Kareena to be consistently unsure about size zero. A drastic and sudden oscillation in her size is most definitely the result of liposuction and binge eating.
(b) For getting his girlfriend's name tattooed on his forearm for posterity. This is a resultant of a very good ink artist. Had the actor tried doing it himself, he would have to constantly use makeup to cover-up!

The most unpalatable award of all seasons - National Award for Arjun Rampal (What did this guy get it for? Was it for wearing the ugliest contraption of a wig?).

All you sensible people out there, you have jobs ripe for the plucking! Get on those jury boards quickly and infuse fresh blood before these awards get handed out as keepsakes to Katrina Kaif!